Order /ˈôrdər/ noun – A way to balance chaos. 


French fries should be eaten by length.

This requires you to dump all of your fries out onto the plastic carrying tray. Then sort them by length into smaller piles. The little burnt pieces get eaten immediately. They are not really fries. They are rejects. So you eat them first. Eating them after you eat all of the other warm, oily, salt-covered fries will leave you feeling disappointed. So eat the burnt rejects first.

Always finish your fries before your burger. If you eat your burger first your fries will get cold. The grease-resistant wrapping paper and bun will keep your burger warm. Unless you order it with mayonnaise, ketchup, and mustard. Doing this will cause the bun to get soggy quickly. Resulting in a mushy cold burger. So order your burger plain, or with cheese only. Fake restaurant cheese is a good insulator, so it is OK.

Try to save your dessert for later when you are alone. This way nobody asks for a bite. Adult meals don’t come with desserts, so they will always ask to have a bite of yours. One bite always leads to two – Know this. Use it to fuel your discipline.

If you get your Happy Meal from the drive-thru, which Mama usually did, then you might have to use the microwave to heat it up before you sort it out. Unless you are living in a hotel, then you just have to pretend it’s warmer than it actually is. Your mind is strong enough to make cold food seem warm. Learn to use your mind.

When I was a kid we ate a lot of fast food. This didn’t bother me. I actually preferred it. Eating out allowed me to exercise order.

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