Tag Archives: empower

Brave

What makes someone brave?

This question has been bouncing around my brain this week.

I looked it up:

brave /brāv/ adjective
ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.
Hmm.
The toughest thing I have ever faced has been myself. Objectively. Honestly.
It’s not easy asking yourself tough questions. Is that what really happened? 
It’s even harder answering those tough question. Maybe. But maybe theres’s more to it. 
Knowing is easy.
Not knowing requires one to be brave.  

 

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Give

Life isn’t ours to keep. It’s only ours to give.

I have to remind myself of this. More often then I’d like to admit.

Sometimes I want to hold on. Refuse the world of my gifts. Play small. Have you notice me through a pathetic filter. Present my self to the world, instead of my Self.

Then I pause. And remember all that I still want to do: Run. Paint. Scream. Strum. Cry. Laugh. Beat. Paddle. Fall. Ride. Fly. Swim. Crawl. Meditate. Sing. Louder. LOUDER. Rest. Reflect. Reconsider. Pause. Sprint. Jump. Freeze. Change directions. Flip. Flop. Misunderstand. Fight. Whisper. Listen. Pray. Share. Stay. Look back. Return. Plan. Doubt. Overact. Be dramatic. Giggle. Swoon. Learn. Unlearn. Try. Roll. Bounce back. Take responsibility. Rejuvenate. Sparkle. Get up. Be heard. Focus. Take chances. Sit. Dance. Lead. Escape. Remember. Rejoice. Unite. Breathe. Write. Tell Stories. Unapologetically surrender.

Life isn’t yours to keep. It’s only yours to give.

So give it your all.

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Hashtag

Mostly I’d lie there. Pretending to be asleep. But sometimes, I opened my eyes. I’d focus on the ceiling tiles. I’d trace the cracks with my eyes as I made choo-choo train sounds in my mind. Thought about being on a locomotive headed for anywhere but there.

But mostly, I’d lie there pretending to be asleep.

He knew I was awake. He felt every muscle in my body tighten. Felt me wince. He heard my occasional whimper. It never stopped him from proceeding.

I never fought back. Never defended myself. I never called out for help. I kept my mouth shut. Never told a soul.

Why would I?

I enjoyed the grilled ham and cheese sandwiches we made in the convection oven. I liked sleeping over at his place. Loved listening to his Beatles albums over and over again. Looked forward to getting Burger King French Toast sticks with him before school.

Besides, he was more than the man who touched me in the middle of the night – He was my math teacher. My father figure. The guy who took me to church. The only adult male who paid any sort of attention to me. So my lips were sealed.

To my eleven-year-old mind, it felt like a fair trade.

To my thirty-nine-year-old mind, it feels too complicated to reduce to a simple hashtag.

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Voice

Voice /vois/ noun – Inner utterance of a guiding spirit.

 

There is a voice that calls to me.

It exist within me so I lend it my name, Billy.

But it is mostly beyond me so it has no name.

Me and beyond me, the two traits all things seem to share.

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